At least I thought I had. I certainly do not think I would have chosen my present circumstances, yet somehow I did. Here I am. There was one moment, o... one day, on a subway platform, in which my life seemed to fall off the rails, yet I know now that that moment was neither the beginning nor the end of my undoing. Everything fits together in a strange way. When I look for my first mistake, I always begin on that subway platform. I play the events of my life step by step, day by day, year by year. Unlike the other shop this did not stretch back in one long room but comprised of several small adjoining rooms seemingly devoted to differing sexual appetites. A section devoted to gays, the same for lesbians bondage freaks and so on. As I entered the main lobby of the shop a buzzer sounded to warn the counter staff a customer had come in. There were quite a few men this time and they all briefly looked up from their perusals to check the latest entrant. If they were surprised to see a woman. What could I ask her about? She had asked me about home. I knew she didn’t have the same hang-ups as me, so her home life was probably a lot closer to normal. However, asking her about her home when I didn’t want to talk about mine seemed hypocritical, but what else could I ask about?We were back on the road and I remembered her being at the orientation. “So, are you a new student too?” She struck me as a little older, having an apartment and car, but I wasn’t sure.She shook her head.I watched. ” she made little air quotes around the words. “ ... So we had former fighter pilots flying the missions.” Mac was somewhat nonplussed that Chris didn’t need directions back to the office.“I see. They probably took orders. Sat where you told ‘em to sit. Prob’ly peed in a bottle too, huh?”“Well, I didn’t ask, but...” Mac countered.“No sistahs in the crew? Or I guess they just paused the game and went, huh?” Chris asked. “Or hit restart when she had to go. You sure didn’t have no preggos in.
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